I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
worst night to have a conscience
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
