And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I pour the whiskey from now on
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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