More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Operation Purity has been aborted
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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