woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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