btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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