well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
