You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
