I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
