Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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