I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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