My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
where does the pee come out of this thing
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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