I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
