when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
