She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
