It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my phone needs a breathalizer
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
