just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
