She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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