i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
