Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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