sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
