As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
