Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
