She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
