My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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