forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
