who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
