how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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