You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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