you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Randomize
