totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
two words: eviction party
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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