Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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