i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
