honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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