okay pat passed out under dana's car
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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