drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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