I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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