Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
