I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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