WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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