You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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