i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
