If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize