Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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