I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
