I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
