It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
