best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
