we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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