I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
