chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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