he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
