Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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