I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
