I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She has the best kind of daddy issues
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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