I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
