I think I am morally bankrupt
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
