You smell like a Billy Joel song
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize