I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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