stop calling my apartment porn island.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
