all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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