dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
