i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
