i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
