I wanna bring you to show and tell
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
