You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
we should paint friendship bongs
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