I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
