What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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