I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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