I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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