If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
