apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
