So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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