Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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