i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just invented taco cereal.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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