I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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