glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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