wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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