I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
