I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Everclear isn't food dammit
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
